Leaving the Past…In The Past

It’s interesting that I chose running.  Or perhaps running chose me.  The same is true of minimalism and that certainly chose me.  My stress mounted and Dane patiently planted the seeds for me to choose a different type of life.

As the years pass and my life unfolds, I see patterns emerge.  They seem so obvious to me now, it’s amazing I didn’t embrace certain courses far sooner.  Maybe I was a little slow on the pick up, perhaps I was too stubborn, possibly I didn’t pick up on life’s taps to my shoulder.  Probably all of the above.

My past shaped who I am, but I molded myself at the time, in the way I thought was beneficial, to the best of my ability.  I’ve known innately since I was very young, that what happened to me wasn’t who I am.  It was an experience – good or bad – that I traveled through.  I’ve always wanted certain things in my life.

• Positive people who crave connecting.
• Less stress.
• Few, close friends.
• Time with my kids.
• To be a good example.

I’ve wanted to write my eulogy every day of my life.  Not in a morbid “I’m gonna die” sort of way.  I want to live the person I want to be remembered as.  I hope I am not judged by the things that have happened to me.  They made me who I am, but they do not define me.  I want only to use my past to give someone else hope.  You can survive.  You can overcome.

If you search the internet for running quotes, positive affirmation quotes, minimalism quotes the same words will pop up which is when I saw the trend.  Everything I have surrounded myself with – even working with foster parents and kids – has a positive vibe.

Believe, endure, strength, make time, love what you do, balance, meditate, have less and do more.  I was raised in chaos and it felt out of place.  I craved connecting, love, quiet, fun, calm, space, less stress, laughter, travel.  Sometimes it takes years to find a space that fits you.

The world you walked away from and left behind hides in the recesses of memory and outlook.  It’s insidious if you don’t keep tabs on the patterns from your past.  They sneak back in and try to take over.  For example, I do form attachments, but when things get tough in any friendship or relationship, my first reaction is to walk away, cut that person out of my life.

That’s not healthy and relationships aren’t easy.  Interestingly enough I stick it out with foster kids.  In love relationships, I tended to choose emotionally unavailable men.  It’s easy for me to be with someone that’s not really there.  You are together and some things in life cross over, but mostly you live separate lives.  Also not healthy.  But easy to walk away from which isn’t a good attitude in love.

Recognize your unhealthy actions from your past.  Then decide to put yourself out of your comfort zone.   Don’t let your past dictate your trajectory.  Create your own future.  The past is so yesterday.